5/13/2011
My heart faints. My heart faints. I woke up with these words in my soul. The weight of what is in front of us is crushing to me at times. My heart faints. Today I don't have the words on my own. I need the Psalms. There must be a Psalm that expresses this feeling in my heart this morning. There is. Psalm 143:4-Therefore my spirit faints within me; my heart within me is appalled.
And said another way...(4) I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear. I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done. I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain. Come quickly, Lord, and answer me, for my depression deepens. (8) Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.
Oh, these words speak my heart's cry, and turn my palms up to him, reconfirming him as my rock. I give myself to you, Lord.
I lay in bed, looking at Travis sleeping this morning. There are so many things we are being asked to do that seem impossible. At times we both sit, jaws dropped, shaking our heads at the ludicrousness of our situation. The stress is overwhelming, and it will take a miracle for it to come through the way our feeble minds believe it should.
So how to have faith? Yesterday this was my prayer: That I would have the kind of faith that allowed Abraham to place his son on the altar. How many times am I asked to place something on the altar and I say, "No way God! You wouldn't possibly ask me to do this. Surely you'll just take this all away and make it right before my eyes". I realized yesterday that I am to simply "follow through". Place everything on that altar. Do what is difficult. And wait for the Lord to show up and work.
Stay the knife, Lord.
